You cant underestimate it.
When things suck...and I mean really fucking suck, you can save yourself. If I've learned anything in the last month or two, its that you deserve to be selfish. Selfish to me means that I come home and I make myself a huge cup of peach tea and I use way too much honey. I shower, and use all of the hot water. I don't feel bad about it. I use expensive lotion, because it makes me feel good. I turn the heat on hotter than it should be, but thats okay. These are the things that make me feel whole and at peace with myself.
I've had a hard time putting myself first.
There came a point where I realized that no one is going to read my mind. No one is going to do the things that I do for myself without me asking, and Im wasting my time hoping for that. I also feel selfish that I hoped for that. It feels good to pull yourself together on your own, even it is with the help of a Xanax or medical grade marijuana.
Self love to me is waking up early and making the most of my mornings. I hate being rushed. So why would I choose to sleep in and be miserable. Self love is taking a walk at sunset because thats my favorite time of day. Self love is congratulating myself on completing simple tasks like actually washing my hair, eating a full meal, and completing an assignment without being ADD and taking 15 breaks. Or finishing at all. Sometimes life is hard, and sometimes it seems to be a lot harder when you're manic and have chronic anxiety.
Self love is accepting who you are whether it is manic or not. It is listening to your body, and nourishing yourself.
So heres to making my own doctors appointments, making phone calls home where all I do is sob into the phone, and eating raw cookie dough until I wanna throw up.